The Men -- Oy!

Holy crap! Were the guys just totally sucking it up on Idol last night or what? Good heavens. What a waste of 2 hours sitting through that schlock fest! (Granted, for me it was just a hair over an hour since I DVRed the show and watched it on fast forward -- missing commercials, missing some of the intro videos, and even occasionally zipping through the obligatory "Doesn't Simon suck?" banter coming from Ryan.) Last night definitely made me reconsider my top 6 predictions a bit as guy after guy came out and just, well, blew big, sticky chunks all over the stage.

Well, all save one -- Blake. Blake was really good, amazingly good. He picked a cool, contemporary song (Keane's "Somewhere Only We Know") and just gave a nice, fresh take on it. He was the only one I could imagine hearing on the radio (not that I listen to pop radio anymore) or buying his CD. Plus, he's pretty cute.

As for the rest . . . where do I begin? Well, let's start at the very beginning:

Rudy Cardenas started things off with a passable version of "Free Ride." It wasn't spectacular but it wasn't hideous. I thought it was an energetic way to start the show, but, let's be honest, "Free Ride" isn't exactly the greatest song nor did it really prove much of a showcase for Rudy. Will he be safe for next week? Who knows? Again, it wasn't hideous, but it was also the first performance of the night by a performer who hasn't really built a following yet, so he could be forgotten by callers and therefore vulnerable to being sent home. It would be a shame. I still think the guy has potential.

Next up was another I'd pegged to be a contender -- Brandon Rogers. Brandon tackled Michael Jackson's "Rock With You." Tackling Michael Jackson can be pretty brave, but not when you pick one of his less challenging songs. Again, it was just okay, and Brandon could be staring down the barrel of elimination.

After Brandon, it just seemed like it was one bland performance after another. Sundance came out with "Nights in White Satin." Really? You have all those songs to choose from, and you pick "Nights in White Satin," a song that's sure to produce either a coma or a big time acid flashback. Neither of this is exactly something you yearn for in your audience. You would think a guy like Sundance would have picked something big and bluesy to redeem himself after his hideous Hollywood week. Apparently not. I'm telling you -- this dude's days have GOT to be numbered.

The "Justin Timberlikes" (as Julie dubbed them last night) didn't disappoint in their blandness either. AJ Tabaldo gave us "Never Too Much," Chris Richardson gave us "I Don't Wanna Be," Jared Cotter gave us "Back at One," and Nick Pedro pulled out "Now and Forever." YAWN! AJ got Paula up and dancing (but then, so does one of those monkeys with the clashing cymbals), but he really wasn't all that impressive. I'm so tired of "Back at One" and "I Don't Wanna Be." There should be a moratorium on those being allowed on the show. PLEASE! And I was so tired of hearing contestants sing through their noses. When Simon finally commented on it, I literally applauded. It just is painful to listen to!!

Chris Sligh's "Typical" was anything but. I am completely unfamiliar with that song, but I did kind of agree when Simon said it sounded like a college performance. I could practically smell the stale beer in the frat house basement as one of the brothers' band took the stage. I like Chris, though, and I'm rooting for him, and I don't think America has tired of his humor -- yet.

Phil Stacey's "I Could Not Ask for More" started off really bad. I loved that look of loving horror on his wife's face as the reality started to sink in that MAYBE he wasn't good enough and MAYBE her dreams of being Mrs. American Idol were going to die before they'd even really had a chance to begin. But then, once he got out of that opening section where the notes were clearly too low for him, he actually did a pretty decent job. I would say it ended up being one of the better performances of the night if you disregard the opening verse.

So that brings us to the worst two performances of the night: Paul and Sanjaya. Paul tackled one of the greatest ballads of the 1980s (if not all time) -- "Careless Whisper." That song is a great chance for a vocalist to really show off range and dynamics. Paul did neither. It was a dull performance and just may be bad enough to put Paul on the chopping block.

And then there's my beloved Sanjaya who came out looking as adorable as ever and then proceeded to sleepwalk his way through Stevie Wonder's "Knocks Me Off My Feet." It didn't. The song was too much for him. He couldn't handle it. I only hope that enough girls out there love Sanjaya the way I do and burned up the phone line for him and keep him around to redeem himself next week.

Who is going home? It's kind of a tough call with the plentiful amount of crap that was being thrown around on stage last night. I think Team Sanjaya will pull through and keep him around even though he really did give the worst performance of the night. Paul had the second worst performance, so I'm going to call him out. As for the second dude heading home, I'm going to go with Brandon. Even though I think Sundance was worse (A LOT WORSE), Brandon's placement will kill him and people will have forgotten all about him by the time they got to pick up the phones. (Another perk of DVR -- I could sit and call WHILE the performance was going on. I sent lots of love Blake's way -- not that he needs me!)